Scar Tissue
by tlcinbflo
Summary: Written for Chumuhlbeier on tumblr; Joker and Shepard reconcile during their first night on the SR2. My first Shoker fic.


Scar Tissue

It was something they had promised, but it was still something he never really thought would happen, could happen. Yet, somehow, they had managed it. They had cheated death. Cerberus was able to resurrect Commander Shepard. They had resurrected Alissa. They had managed to undo his biggest mistake, his greatest regret. It had been his fault she had died, after all. She ordered him to abandon ship. She ordered him to the escape pod and he argued with her, trying to save his baby, their ship.

He should have listened to her. Instead of saving the ship, he watched her die. She never made it to the pod, and the explosion knocked her into open space. She drifted, and he watched. The image still haunted him, even after all this time.

When Cerberus contacted him, he had been at his lowest point. The Alliance had grounded him, he was drinking too heavily, he had killed his best friend. The woman he was pretty sure he had fallen in love with – though he had never told her: another regret to add to the list. They said they'd let him fly, and he thought, maybe, if he could do that, he could work to continue what Shepard had started. So, he joined them.

Now, she was alive again and Cerberus had rebuilt their ship. He had a second chance, and he was going to do it differently this time. He was going to keep her safe. He was going to make sure she knew how he felt. He wondered where she was at this moment and before he could check, the ship's AI, EDI, answered for him, "Commander Shepard is in the armory. Her vitals seem irregular. Perhaps the events of today were too much for her to handle so soon after waking."

"How about you stop checking her vitals? She's not a show," Joker snapped, his back tensing as he thought about the complete lack of privacy on this ship.

"Very well," EDI answered, the hologram blinking out and Joker sighed, scrubbing his face. He removed his hat briefly, scratching the top of his head before replacing it. He had seen Shepard already, briefly; maybe now was a good time for another talk.

He stood slowly, carefully. Thanks to Cerberus, he didn't need his crutches anymore, but he still needed to take careful steps to avoid any injury. He found Shepard standing at her locker. Her soft, blond hair pulled back into a low bun. Her alabaster skin seemed to sparkle in the harsh lighting of the armory. She had her armor off, piled in her locker, and she had pulled her arms free from her underarmor, and the top half hung off her hips.

He felt himself flush as his eyes wandered over her exposed skin. He'd seen her in her sports bra before, but somehow this was different. He cleared his throat, and she turned towards him. Her shamrock eyes met his grass green gaze. Her lips quirked in a smile, but the tension stayed in her eyes. "Hey, Joker," she sighed her greeting and the softness of her tone twisted something low in his gut.

"Lookin' good, Commander," he offered, the tease in his voice offering him a way out of his gentle flirtation. She chuckled, shrugging her eyebrows and looking away from him. She wrapped her arms around her waist and looked down to her feet. Silence filled the space between them and he hated it. "Nice to see Tali again, huh?"

"Yeah!" she agreed, turning towards him again, eyes full of sorrow and still, a smile tugging at her lips. "I wish she could have come with us. It would have been great to have another friendly face here."

"Come on, Lis, I'm here. What more do you need?" he asked, hoping she would give him a real smile. Something that showed she was okay, that she wasn't angry with her situation. He knew it wasn't ideal, but he hoped she was glad to be back, and that he was there.

She did. She turned to him and smiled. He sat on the bench behind her, facing her and she copied. "I'm still a bit confused at everything that has happened, but, I'm so relieved that you're here." Something soft and warm bloomed in his chest at the sincerity in her words, and he smiled, dropping his eyes from hers. "Are you good?"

He looked up and found her eyes on his. "Better now."

She nodded and looked away from him. He studied her profile, noticing the bright scars from Cerberus' project. The glow of the cybernetics beneath. The technology that brought her back to life. Back to him. The tech that gave her a second change. That gave him a second chance. When she looked back to him, she found him staring at the marks, and her cheeks flushed as she turned away from him.

He reached out then, his fingers tracing over the bright stains in her tender skin. She leaned into his touch. "I look awful," she muttered the words. Her voice was heavy, thick with shame at her own vanity. Joker knew it wasn't vanity. He knew she hated the thought of being less than human. She'd told him countless times before, she believed being a husk, losing your humanity, was a fate worse than death.

"No, you look alive, and that's all I've wanted for the last two years," he answered quietly, and she turned towards him them. He was surprised by the shine of tears in her eyes. He reached out again, the back of his fingers tracing down her cheek, and she leaned into his touch. Her eyes drifted closed, and he hoped she found some solace in his words, his touch, his company.

"Greedy bastard," she muttered, meeting his eyes again. A sad smile pulled at his lips.

"Lis, I'm so, so sorry," he felt the shame burning in his throat. "I promise; it won't happen again. I'll follow your orders and I'll keep you safe."

She reached up, covering his hand with hers. She turned her head and kissed his palm lightly. "I know, Jeff. I know."


End file.
